Matty The Magnificent

When my son Matthew was about four years old his dad and I watched from the patio door as he sang a loud and nearly on key rendition of The Carpenters' "I'm On the Top of the World" in the backyard. He was wearing only his superman underoos and he was using the green garden hose for a microphone. He was bold and self assured and not at all self conscious and he gave us equal amounts of joy and aggrivation.

That lovely moment was during the before part of Matthew's life. The part that was happy and hopeful. The part before the brain tumor. Before surgery and radiation, learning disabilities and a lifetime of loss and disappointment. He didn't get a drivers' license, didn't play basketball, didn't ever go out on a real date, had few friends. We were disappointed for him, but he rarely let any of it get him down. He was the football team manager and participated in FFA and his classmates treated him well.

Matthew has had several close calls with death and we've tried to prepare ourselves for his passing as best we could. But he has always managed to get better. He's had transfusions, surgeries, long hospital stays, numerous tests and scans and labwork.

Last week while I was in California Matthew took another turn. His kidneys are failing and he's being cared for by the great people at the local nursing home and by a wonderful hospice nurse. I'm hoping he'll stay around for his birthday at the end of the month but I also want him to be free of this life. It's a strange thing to pray for death to come to a loved one.

I know I'm rambling but that seems to be how my brain is working, just roaming around grabbing onto a thought here and feeling a little emotion there. I can't get the little singer wearing only his underpants out of my head. He was magnificent.