Betty, Coretta, My Daughters and Me

To say that I admire the women of my mother's generation is an understatement. They were the girls born in the twenties, raised during the Depression, worked in factories during World War II, and raised families for the next twenty years. From my point of view as a child, they were competent and mostly happy but appearances are deceiving.

My mom was widowed when she was thirty. In 1954 it wasn't the norm to raise children alone. She was the only mom on our block who worked outside the home. She worked every day and never saw me making a fool out of myself as a cheerleader. Neither did she attend school programs held in the afternoon. She was happiest baking on Saturday and going to her parents' home on Sundays for dinner and conversation with her mother. There was no family leave, no job sharing, no equal work for equal pay.

I'm reminded this week of the courage of women who were of Mom's generation. Betty Friedan wrote "The Feminine Mystique" in the late fifties and became the hero of several generations of young women seeking their own potential. She spoke of her own mother's unhappiness and lack of choices as inspiration for her work. Friedan died last week but her spirit carries on.

I caught a snippet of a talk Oprah Winfrey gave last week about Coretta Scott King. She closed by describing Mrs. King's efforts to make the world a better place for Afircan American women than the one her own mother faced. I was surprised by how those words touched me. Mrs. King personified dignity, as far as I'm concerned. Her example as a wonam of courage and tenacity will live on as well.

The mother-daughter relationship is profound and complicated. Hopefully, we are inspired by our mothers, whether we aspire to be like them or to be nothing like them. I ache for my mother's sad life but I'm powerless to change it. I can only make choices in my life, aspire to dignity and honesty and meaning.

I'm a daughter, a mother to two daugters, and a grandmother to a baby girl. My daughters are college graduates and support themselves. I'm so proud of them that tears are coming as I write. I fully expect them to make lives for themselves even though I've never supported myself or lived alone in my life. Okay, I'm a hypocrite but my trust in them is well placed. I have the advantage of knowing their great-grandmothers who were strong and loving women.

I celebrate five generations of women. It's an honor to be the link between those who came before and those who were born to me and my children.